Vent
by Sandtigress
Summary: Slight spoilers for ME3 - a requested post-Thessia romance scene for Shepard and Kaidan


_Slight spoilers for mid-late game ME3. You have been warned!_

Cold water sluiced down over her, chilling her to the bone. It helped, a little. At least now she was shaking from the cold and not from helpless rage and frustration. Shepard leaned her head against the shower wall as the icy water came down, hands clenched into fists on either side of her head.

It was her fault. Every living organism was depending on _her_ right now, and she had let them all down. She should have been just one minute faster, just one step ahead. Why hadn't she guessed that Cerberus would be there? Why hadn't she recognized Kai Leng's work on the scientists? One shot more and she could have taken him down. Just one shot. And for that slim margin, everyone, _everyone_ might pay.

Thessia had fallen because of _her._ Cerberus had won on her watch. And if she didn't do _something_, the Reapers would win because of her failure.

The cold water wasn't helping anymore. Shepard shut the tap down in resignation, wondering what else she could turn to. Alcohol was out of the question, as nice as it might have been to get so drunk that the troubles of the world ceased to exist. She had already screwed up once. She couldn't afford to do anything that would compromise her in any way, not before she found a way to recover the information about the catalyst.

Shepard had already been over every inch of her cabin, searching for some clue, some shred of inspiration. There was nothing left there that would inspire her. So she threw on a uniform to head back out, to prowl around the Normandy searching for _something _to do. But what? Liara had been seen to. The crew had their orders. But there would be something. There had to be.

The door opened as she finished dressing. She knew who it was without looking. There weren't many on board the Normandy who had the confidence to enter her cabin without asking first and most of the rest she had already spoken to.

"Kaidan, now isn't the time." She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, not so much the words themselves as the angry tone behind them. Kaidan deserved better than to have her frustrations vented on him. It wasn't his fault that she had failed. That was all on her. "I'm sorry," she apologized wearily. "But this isn't a good time."

"I thought you could use someone to talk to, Commander," he replied. "I know you. You've gone around taking care of everyone but yourself. And now you're going to drive yourself crazy trying to do everything on your own." She had to admit, he did know her well. "You're not alone in this, Shepard," he told her gravely. "When are you going to realize that?"

"I know I'm not, I just…" The frustration was growing again. She balled up another fist and punched the wall, hard. It was tempting to throw a little biotics behind it too. It hurt, but not a fraction of the pain any asari left on Thessia was experiencing. Not half as much as Liara was hurting right now.

"Hey, hey, none of that," Kaidan said as he crossed the room to her side. "If you're going to hit something, hit me. At least I won't break your fist."

"I might break _you,_" Shepard told him grimly. "You don't know how many upgrades Cerberus gave me to fight the Collectors." He frowned at that but said nothing. He had been quiet on the subject since their date on the Citadel, having apparently decided simply to trust her on the matter. She appreciated that more than she could say.

"James then," he quipped instead. "Or Garrus. He took a rocket to the face, I'm sure he could handle it."

He was trying to cheer her up but she wasn't ready for it yet. When he saw the jokes fall flat, Kaidan reached out and took her hand in his.

"Shepard, you're freezing!" He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, trying to warm her up.

With her arms trapped by Kaidan's there was little she could do to fight him and right then, with him so near, she didn't really want to. Shepard rested her head on his chest, feeling suddenly weary, just so tired of everything.

"What if we lose to the Reapers because of this?" she whispered against him.

"We won't," he answered firmly. Kaidan tightened his arms around her and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Shepard, we believe in you. We know you're going to find a way. Have a little faith in us, the team you built around you. Have a little faith in me. We can do this."

Shepard freed her arms up to wrap them around his neck. "You know, when you say it, I can actually believe it." She kissed him briefly, savoring the moment. They had waited so long – months for her, _years_ for him, to be able to do this. "Thanks Kaidan. You're always exactly what I need."

"That's why you keep me around, isn't it?" he asked with a grin, leaning in to kiss her again. Maybe this _was_ exactly what she needed, just a way to vent out the rest of the emotion with the man that she loved.

"Ah, Commander? Message for you, I believe it's Admiral Hackett." Joker's voice echoed through her cabin just as Kaidan's lips met hers again.

Shepard pulled away with a sigh. "Patch him in, Joker, I'm on my way."

"Yes ma'am," the pilot answered.

Kaidan shook his head as the intercom shut off. "You think Joker just sits around all day waiting to do that?"

"Hate to say it, but I think you're right," Shepard agreed. "Raincheck, Major?"

"Just say the word, ma'am," he replied with a grin.

"And Kaidan?" Shepard turned as she walked through the door. "Thanks again." Her steps were just a little lighter and a hint of a smile on her face knowing she wasn't carrying the burden of the universe on her shoulders alone.


End file.
